Raised by Wolves...

Good morning.

I am going to veer off the beaten path a *wee* bit this morning, and focus on something I thought of after checking out my daughter's Facebook page last night.  More on the Facebook page in a moment...

I'm wondering if it would have been better if my kids were raised by wolves.  Wolves require that lesser wolves in the pack work as a team.  One wolf alone does not bring the deer down for the pack's meal.  One wolf does not tend to the security of the pack.  They all do.

Which leads me to this:  after conversations with my kids over the years, I have gleaned that they have a sense of entitlement.  I have no idea where this comes from, as I have worked my ass off over the years to get to where I am now.  My very first job was washing dishes in a local pizzeria.  I've worked in gas stations and convenience stores and as a waiter.  I've been a security guard.  I was a soldier.  Then, when the opportunity presented itself, I was able to break into the IT field, as a 3rd shift computer room operator.  I moved up from there, and am now an IT Administrator.

When discussing potential jobs with my (now adult) children, I would ask questions like, "What about a fast-food job?  You like the food, and you eat for free or at a discount."  The answer:  "If I could get an Assistant Manager's job, sure."

Really?  Seriously?  Because they give those jobs away to just anybody who walks in off the street with no experience whatsoever.

Granted, I was not there for the raising of my children, which I know is not the easiest thing in the world with two parents present, let alone one.  The first ex-Mrs. Me and I split up when the kids were young, and my situation, created by me through a series of REALLY bad decisions, forced me to move 600 miles away.  I was able to get my shit together (relatively speaking) so I could be at least try to be effective as a person and as a non-custodial parent.  I did do the visitations, the child support and tried to instill them with values and work ethic whenever I had contact with them, which was fairly constant, be it over the phone or in person.  Never in all the rambling conversations I've had with my kids over the years have I said "Yeah guys, just wait for the world to hand you everything.  You've earned it!"

So yeah, when I heard that I was pretty damned shocked.  And dismayed.

But nowhere near as dismayed as I was when I looked at the photos (all public, mind you) on my daughter's Facebook page.

Teenagers and young adults, if for some sick reason you are reading this blog, please take note:  If you are going to have a Facebook page, it would behoove you to make your profile private so only your Facebook friends can see it.  Trust me on this.

Nothing makes daddy more proud than seeing a pic of daddy's little girl (or son for that matter) taking a hit from a bong.  Especially when daddy's little girl knows daddy has a drinking problem (9 years sober, btw, and damned proud of it) AND has been told (repeatedly) about both the dangers of addiction and substance abuse, AS WELL AS the genetic components regarding addiction.  Besides, future potential employers LOVE seeing how much a potential employee likes to party.  It makes hiring decisions SO much easier.

Here's the thing though:  I did the best I could given the circumstances I was operating under.  I know this.  I love both my children very much.  I gave them the best I had to offer.  What they do now, as adults, and what they choose to become, is on them.  I will feel bad for them when they are hurting, and help them pick themselves up when they get knocked down.  But I can't live their lives for them, and I can't stop them from doing what they want to do.  At this point in their lives, I can suggest and advise, and that's about it.  I've accepted this.

As this is getting a bit long, I will end with a joke that I like to tell:

A big game hunter decides that he's going to Alaska to hunt bear.  So he gets his gear together, flies to Alaska and gets to it.  He's tracking a bear, a Brown bear, shoots and kills it.

Moments later, something taps him on the shoulder.  Its a Black bear, who says "You just killed a friend of mine.  You have a choice.  I either get to eat you, or f#$k you."  The hunter obviously doesn't want to die, so he chooses the latter.

Ashamed, the hunter goes home, stews for about a year, then heads back to Alaska.  Determined to avenge his humiliation, the hunter finds the Black bear, shoots and kills it.  Another tap on the shoulder; this time its a Grizzly bear.  "You just killed a friend of mine.  You have a choice.  I either get to eat you, or f#$k you."

Again the hunter leaves Alaska, stews, then goes back for vengeance.  After killing the Grizzly Bear, he gets another tap on the shoulder, this time from a Polar Bear. 

The polar bear says, "You don't come here for the hunting, do you?"